Monday, February 05, 2007

Adventures in infertility, the continuing saga...

If you pass me on the street and I suddenly rip your head off for no apparent reason, it's not me.

It's the clomid talking.

If I burst into tears when a stroller rolls by, it's not me.

It's the clomid talking.

I haven't posted in a while. I haven't had much to say. I had a fun weekend at the beach with some friends in there, but pretty much I've been thinking about how I'm still not pregnant.

This round of clomid is not going well. Massive amounts of hot flashes and crankiness. It's not NEARLY as bad as the lupron was, but it's still not pleasant. And it's had no noticeable effect in the ways it's supposed to. I have a sinking feeling that it's not going to happen this go round, either. Which I suppose means that the doctor's going to up my dosage again. Which I'm not looking forward to.

If it doesn't happen this time, I've decided to take a couple of months off. We're into month 16 of this, and I'm tired. If my body wants to be defective, I'll let it continue to be for a couple of months, without interference. Hubby is starting to come around to doing what he needs to do, so maybe with a little more time I can convince him. Besides that, we already have nine birthdays in November and December between our families, so if we don't add another one, that's just fine with everyone's wallets!

I was reading an article about infertility the other day, and the author was commenting about how ironic it is that you spend half your life avoiding pregnancy and the other half desperately trying to achieve it. How true it true.


MamaZuzi said...

Sorry things aren't going as well as they should be... I've often felt guilty for the ease with which I got pregnant (both times). If I could change the universe (since I know more than God - just kidding - I don't and I don't want to get "smited") I'd certainly have the folks who work so hard to get pregnant, who want it that badly, get pregnant much, much easier. Hang in there and good to hear about the hubby. If you go off the drugs for a couple of months, can I take you out for a drink?

Anonymous said...

((HUGS)) Karen, the not falling pregnant is one thing but the drugs you've had to take are entirely something else, I really feel for you there. I think giving it a break is a good thing, if only because it allows you to "enjoy" your relationship with your husband on purely face value, iykwim? Isn't it weird that something previously so spontaneous can just get very clinical and calculated? So true about the infertility article... I know I can't take you out anywhere but know that I'm thinking of you. Have a drink on me!! - Becca

kbeeps said...

Aw, Becca - just know that I'm living vicariously through you and so looking forward to the arrival of your little one!

Perhaps if I save my allowance for a REALLY REALLY REALLY long time you actually COULD take me out for a drink! :-)

Anonymous said...

You know, I'm really fine with you going through all the labour for me, I'm kind that way. I honestly do want to have that kind of pain, but I understand if you'd rather do it for me!! (heh heh)

This will happen for you one way or another and I can't wait until it does to be there to share the journey :)