The two-week wait

For those of you wanting to keep up with my adventures in infertility...

I'm at the latter end of my first round on clomid. Clomid is this wonder drug that helps women who don't ovulate to do just that. It's been an interesting cycle. I was warned, told horror stories about hormonal torture, emotional outbursts, and general unhappiness while taking the drugs. But, I was also told that after lupron, clomid would be like a walk in the part. That pretty much was the way it happened for me. One day of extreme irritability (to that cashier at Joanne's, wherever you are, I'M SORRY). one day of extreme munchies. And one day of a face full of zits. Other than that, I was pretty much myself, and for that, I am grateful.

Until I got to day 18 or so. That was the day I called Kaiser to say I hadn't ovulated, and shouldn't I wait for my progesterone check until after I did? That's a blood test to confirm whether or not a woman ovulated.

Kaiser should really give their OB/GYN nurses special training in dealing with the infertile people. I think we're a special breed. We tend to get extremely annoyed when dealing with stupid people about items pertaining to our infertility.

I left a message on the advice nurse line, since it wasn't urgent. Many hours later (within two hours my butt!), a nurse called me back. "I got your message but I'm not sure I understand the question..."

So I patiently explained again that I hadn't ovulated yet and wanted to know if I should wait for the blood test till after I do. She said there was no way I could know that without a blood test. I told her about all the ways I knew - my temperature was down (goes up after ovulation), my saliva tests were negative, and I've never seen a whiter white than my ovulation predictor strips. Apparently to Kaiser, those all mean crap. She said they ALWAYS do it on day 21, and if it was negative, I'm either pregnant or I didn't ovulate.

Um, ok, how could I be pregnant if I didn't ovulate???

Try as I might, I absolutely couldn't get the nurse to acknowledge that not all women ovulate on a perfect cycle when on clomid. Apparently it's Kaiser's policy that if you're on clomid, you ovulate on day 14.

Too bad my body didn't read the Kaiser policies. I ovulated on day 23, the day AFTER my blood test (since day 21 was Christmas). How do I know? My temp was up, my saliva test was positive, and lo and behold, there was a second line on my ovulation predictor strips. I called yesterday to get my test results. They left a message when they called back, and the woman said emphatically, about six times, YOU DID NOT OVULATE. Duh, I could have told you that.

Oh, wait, I did tell you that!

Freaking morons.

So now I'm officially in the proverbial two-week weight. The time when women wanting to be pregnant cut back on caffeine, eliminate alcohol, and start eating more fruits and veggies in anticipation of the time when they can start peeing on sticks.

Wish me luck, because I really, really, really want to have the opportunity to see the look on the nurses' faces when I come in for a positive pregnancy test after officially not ovulating!