Thank Heavens for Nature's Miracle

Yep, that's right, Nature's Miracle. The wonder elixir that can single-handedly get all traces of cat pee smell out of a pillow-top mattress. Which leads me to today's open letter...

Dear cat who peed in my bed,

I don't know what you're all pissed off about this time, but I don't think you realize how dangerously close we are to becoming a cat-free household. I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and take you to the vet, but DH doesn't think that twice in ten days (four times in three years) means you necessarily have a UTI. He thinks you're just pissed off. We just don't know why. Your litter box is clean. You have food. Yes, I flushed your shrew yesterday, but since when I almost stepped on it you were nowhere in sight, I ASSUMED you were finished with it...

Going UNDER the covers is especially snarky, don't you think? So I wouldn't notice it till I rolled over in it? Nice touch. Thank heavens I accidentally bought the "for cats only" version of Nature's Miracle last time - it does a much better job of neutralizing the odor.
We'll lock you out of the bedroom for a while and see how that goes. And, if it comes to it, I'll suck up my pride and ask if you can go back to live on the farm, rather than taking you to a shelter. You were really happy the two years you lived there with us. Of course you'd be a barn cat, living in the silo with all the other barn cats...you probably wouldn't like that too much!

Signed,

The one who had to get up at 5 after rolling in cat pee and now has to do five loads of laundry on my day off.